Never Again
by Burritoyum
Summary: What would happen if Peeta and Katniss didn't have the berries?
1. One

Never again will I see her face. Never again will I hear her smile. Never- never again will I see those diamond-like eyes.

Katniss is dead. I am empty. I- I couldn't stop her, couldn't save her from herself. I was the one who was supposed to die, supposed to save her. Now... Nobody can save me. Today is the day that I have my interview with Ceaser, to relive every second of the nightmare I desperately want to wake up from. The wound is still much too fresh, the hopelessness of her eyes still engrained into my mind..

_"Katniss, you have to," I say pleadingly. "Kill me."_

_Her eyes are heartbreakingly sorrowful. "Peeta," she says, her pained voice matching her grey orbs._

_"Katniss," I try to reason. We're the last two, the only two. This whole thing will be a loss if she dies._

_"What do you think I have if I go back and you're not there? Nothing. You're my everything, my only. I- if you do this, if never forgive myself. I'd never live with myself, do you understand? I'd kill myself the second I got home, because I couldn't bear to go to Twelve and wait for the girl I love to reappear. I couldn't stand the thought of-"_

_I'm cut off by the feeling of her chapped lips upon mine. Our kiss is full of the unsaid apologies, the haunting hopelessness that embraces us fully. She pulls away._

_"Peeta," she says so softly that I know it could only be meant for me. "I- I love you too," she says brokenly, louder, and my heart clenches. If only I didn't have to hear her say those words now._

_I feel her tense in my arms and her breathing shallows. "Katniss?" I question worriedly, trying to pull away from our embrace, only now noticing that her arms have made their way from me. My eyes widen in panic, and I push her back from me, tears already blurring my vision._

_"No, no, no, no. Katniss, no!" I say, taking in her depleting figure, a knife buried in her stomach with her hands clasped tightly around its handle, her knuckles white._

_Her face is dangerously pale, and my tears turn to sobs._

_"Why?" I question, my voice filled with heartbreak. "I was supposed to die. I was supposed to-"_

_Her finger raises weakly to my lips, and she opens her mouth and swallows, blood trickling from the corner of her mouth._

_"Remember what I said, okay?" She wheezes out her face contorting in pain, and I pull her head onto my lap, my tears landing around her._

_"This is for you, you deserve to- live," she manages out, and her eyes flutter shut, her chest shuddering with each breath she takes. I can tell it's taking everything in her not to scream out as her lips form thin lines and her face goes deathly pale. I can hear her breathing slow down, becoming almost inaudible._

_I bury my face inter her hair, sobbing uncontrollably as I shout her name, my voice betraying how much anger I have for this, these games. That's all I'll ever be, a pawn trapped within these games, dreaming of a way out. There's never any way out._

_An announcement is made, and the hover craft arrives, taking us both since I've refused to part with her. I find it strange that I hadn't heard the cannon, but quickly dismiss it in the state that I'm in._

_As soon as we've been pulled up, I'm frozen in the same way they had done before the Games, but find myself able to talk and open my mouth. To add on to their little dramatic show, I know, but I can't help but cave in as they try to pry her from my grasp._

_Two people come up, and I scream in fury at them, begging them not to take her away, even threatening them, though I realize that right now I'm not capable of much._

_They grab her away from me gently, ignoring my pleas and shouts, though one shoots me an apologetic look. I watch screaming as they take her away- most likely to her awaiting casket. A new wave of despair washes over me as I realize it. This is final. She's gone, and I was unable to stop her._

_She was the only thing worth living for, and now she's gone. Now I'm gone. Now I'm lost._

"Kid," a gruff voice calls from behind me, drawing my mind from my thoughts, and I turn, grateful he avoided using 'Lover Boy'. I'm not sure how much I could take in one day. I raise my brows weakly in acknowledgement, trying to wipe my teary eyes casually. His hard gaze softens slightly. He sighs, motioning for me to come towards him, and I notice that he's surprisingly sober. "It's time to get this show on the road," he snorts, gesturing his arms towards the awaiting stage. I nod, but before I can make my way up the steps, he grabs me into an awkward hug. I'm taken aback; Haymitch isn't one to show affections. His lips go to my ear, and I suddenly understand. This is a cover-up, a distraction or sorts; to anybody else, it looks like a mentor comforting his heartbroken tribute. I listen closely, knowing this would be important.

"You'll be more than okay," he says gruffly, and I'm suddenly enraged by his words. Okay? He should know better than anybody that once you lose someone to the games, you're never going to be okay. Never.

My brows draw together in confusion, before I shake my head and pull back, making it look like he told me something innapropriate instead of anger-provoking. He pats me on the back wih a smirk, but his eyes silently plead for me to understand. I give a descreet nod, showing him that I heard, and he pats me on the back. I take a deep breath before making my way up the stairs and onto the blindingly bright stage.

I squint in the harsh light, hearing the crowd defeaningly loud as their cheers echo off the walls.

Once I'm able to see again, I begin walking, looking straight down at my feet. I know that somewhere in the audience, there will be a twisted person- maybe more- who wears their dyed hair into a braid, pretending to be Katniss.

I finally look up as the cheers grow louder, hoping with everything in me that I make it at least five more steps before breaking down.

I make it three; because across the stage, the floor is rising. My breathing quickens. _No, this has to be- be some sick joke. This is just another dream, it can't be real._ Yet it is. Dark locks of hair appear first, and my steps stop completely. I watch hopefully, waiting. Is this real? Could it be her?

The girl before me brings her hand in front of her eyes, shielding them from the light. Her dress has been altered so that bandages show at her stomach.

My breath catches when her eyes adjust, and flicker to me. _Silver_. Tears spring to my eyes, and a grin spreads across my face, and hers mirrors mine.

"Katniss," I mumble, unbelieving, before I sprint to her as fast as I can with my new prosthetic, and she wobbles towards me unsteadily, obviously not having been up in a while.

I engulf her in a hug, trying to be mindful of her wound, burring my face into her loose hair. I inhale, breathing in what can only be described as _Katniss._ Tears of joy rush down my face and I laugh- slightly hysterical- as I hold her at arms length, my eyes taking in every bit of her, not certain this could be real.

My smile grows to the point of hurting, but I couldn't care less. My eyes lock with those beautiful eyes that I thought I'd never see again, and my breath catches in my throat, as it does every time I'm able to see her eyes so closely. They're breathtaking, not completely one shade of color, but multiple shades of grey that change and shift with her moods, and right now they're dazzling- enough to put the riches of jewels to shame.

My lips crush hers urgently, needing to know this is her, needing to know this is my stubborn Katniss, the one I love.

She smiles into the kiss before deepening it, seemingly just as joyed. It seems like we're together for hours before we finally pull away, her face flushed and lips plump. I smile again and plant sweet kisses on her left and right cheek, stopping again at her lips. She laughs lightly, panting the slightest bit.

She stretches up on her toes, and I lean down a bit, and she rests her forehead against mine, reaching her arms behind my neck. She sighs in content before closing her eyes, stirring a small amount of panic in me. The last time I saw her eyes close...

She opens them quickly, understanding right away how I'm feeling. That's how we've grown to each other, to the point of knowing what the other is thinking without having to say it.

"I thought I'd lost you," I tell her, my voice cracking from the emotions that course throughout me.

She swallows back tears before answering. "I'd rather it be me than you," she whispers, and I hear the crowd 'aww'. Annoyance flashes through her eyes briefly, turning them a stormy grey before returning. She inhales through her nose, snuggling her nose into the crook of my neck.

"I suppose we should be glad that it's all over. I don't want to leave you, Peeta," she says, her voice muffled but leaving my skin tingling, as it always does. The crowd coos again, but I ignore it, letting out a small chuckle before responding.

"Never again."

* * *

**::o:: Note- This chapter has been edited. ::o::**

_Review? Hope you liked it! I enjoyed writing it!_

_~Burriotyum_


	2. Two

The bright lights are nothing short of blinding as we finally are forced to make our way to the small couch they've set up - a loveseat, I think is what Mother called it.

My hand never leaves its vice-like grip from Peeta's, afraid that if I let go, it will all be over. My life, his life, everything.

My heavy heart beats wildly at the thought of having to relive the horror, and my the way Peeta is shaking, he's worse than I am.

Guilt gnaws my insides, knowing that I'm the reason he's so wounded.

We take our place on the seat, Peeta closest to Caesar and I on his left, taking off the flats I had been given. I hated what they had done with my outfit, exposing the bandages on my abdomen to make it all even more of a dramatic show.

Peeta's arm snakes carefully around my waist before he pulls me into his lap, to which I let out a surprised squeak and the audience lets out a laugh.

I had been so lost within my thoughts that I had completely tuned out. Peeta squeezes my arm lightly, leaning his head down towards mine.

Butterlies flutter in my stomach as I catch the scent of his skin; who would have thought that I'd fall so quickly for him?

The thought startles me so much that I almost jump. Do I love him? Could I possibly-

"Katniss," Peeta whispers against my neck.

I almost melt right there.

"He asked what was going through your mind when.." he trailed off, his voice sounding thick with sadness. My arms wrap around him, making it seem like we're taking a much needed break. My voice catches in my throat once again as my fingers brush against the curls at the base of his neck, and he shivers slightly, nuzzling his nose further into my neck. I let out a nervous chuckle.

"What do I tell him?" I ask him quietly.

"The truth."

I freeze. The truth? My breathing stops, and I bite my lip. The truth is something I only want Peeta to know, not all of Panem.

"What- What if you're the only one I want to know it?" I whisper shakily, and this time it's his turn to tense up. I hear him clear his throat.

"Then... Just tone it down. You can tell me when we're away from the cameras."

I take a moment to contemplate his words before answering.

Taking in a deep breath, I pull away from our embrace, my heart aching as I see the tears that glaze over his eyes and the drops that have traveled down his cheeks. The sight makes me want to break down in front of everybody..

My hands travel to his cheeks, and I brush his tears away, finding raw emotion settled in his eyes.

I swallow before speaking.

"Okay."

_Here's more of the story, as promised! I'm not so sure how long this story will be, but the chapters are most likely going to be fairly short, but that means more frequent updates.. so yay? Please give me thoughts and/ or questions on this, I will probably shoot for 1,000 words at the least, so yeah.._

_~Burritoyum_


	3. Three

I watch breathlessly as Katniss begins to talk. She's never been one for showing emotion, but a few seconds ago... I wanted to sigh, to lean into her hand. I wanted even more to kiss her, to hold her and never let her go. It's these little things that she does that catch me off guard, but with each tender touch, glance, word, my heart clenches just that much more.

Sometimes, I wonder how it's possible to love somebody so much that if they were to die, you would too. And that's how I felt without her. Dead. Everything I'd seen was grey, nothing was right.

"What do you think I have if I go back and you're not there? Nothing. You're my everything, my only. I- if you do this, I'd never forgive myself. I'd never live with myself, do you understand? I'd kill myself the second I got home, because I couldn't bear to go to Twelve and wait for the girl I love to reappear."

My previous words to her come back and burry themselves in my mind. Every word I'd said was true, every bit.

"... and I knew that without him, I'd be lost. I'd rather him get the chance to live every one of his days alive than having him dead. I- I guess it was selfish, but I just... I couldn't let him die. Not after everything we'd been through."

Katniss' melodic voice echoes through my head, drawing me further from my thoughts.

Tears pool in my eyes once again, and I gulp harshly before taking her hand and squeezing it. She still has no clue about the effect she can have over me, over the people of Panem. I look out into the audience to find almost every person crying or holding their hand to their mouth to stop any wails from escaping. She has so much impact on those that are able to witness her presence.

A thought suddenly strikes me. If this isn't her actual motive.. What is? Surely it's much greater.

My lips form a smile as I look to her.

I could never ask for anyone better.

. . .

And as I look to Peeta, who has the smile I've come to feel comforted by, I let one thought breeze past the gates of my mind.

I could never ask for anyone better.

And that's the thought that pains me even more, because I know that this couldn't happen. I... I can't love him like he loves me. It's too dangerous, too unpredictable.

"Let's watch the Star-crossed lovers of District Twelve in their Games!" I hear Ceaser's voice boom, though the crowd doesn't react much.

'Star-crossed lovers'. Maybe that's all we'll ever be; star-crossed. Unobtainable.

I look over at Peeta, sending him a pained look. His arms just wrap tighter around me, and I press my aching head to his warm chest with a sigh.

I don't want to want this, but warm feelings refuse to yeild as they sink into my heart.

I'm lulled into a state of peace as I focus my eyes on the screen, but focus my hearing on the steady beat of Peeta's heart.

My thoughts flit and battle against one another, but one rules out.

I can't feel this way. I.. It's too dangerous?

My thoughts come out more uncertain with each of their statements.

I want to cry and let his arms and his words take away all my pain, all of my troubles and thoughts.

But, even with that, I know I can't if I want to avoid hurting the both of us. It's with that that I reach my decision.

Away from the cameras, I'll have to distance myself from Peeta. I can't become attached. I just can't.

_ Urgh! No, Katniss, no! Peeta is the right choice for you! Ugh. Always too stubborn -.- _

_Thoughts, questions? I'll do my best to answer them! Another chapter... Woohoo! ^-^_


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